Dark Friday

For the second year in a row, Bill and I will be turning off our computer (which is also our TV and radio) during the week of Thanksgiving. It is a happy respite and digital detox that helps us recenter for the winter and reconnect with life off line. On Friday, we will also be leaving our lights off all day. This may be loosely based on Earth Hour, an international event where people turn off their lights for an hour on a specific day. Mostly, we do it because it is fun.

We have a collection of hurricane lanterns, a bunch of real books and a collection of board games. Also, we really enjoy spending quiet time together not just next to each other. When the computer is on it is an easy distraction, but when its off we don't even miss it.

We call this event Dark Friday, in contrast to Black Friday.

If you'd like to join us in spending the day after Thanksgiving continuing to be thankful for what we have, rather than battling to acquire more stuff, I'd love to hear how you plan to celebrate.

There are lots of people who will be celebrating in a similar way, but they call it Buy Nothing Day and it is an international event calling attention to rampant consumerism in the western world. If you'd like some more resources related to a low-impact holiday, check out Buy Nothing Christmas and Center for a New American Dream.  

I hope you all have a lovely, rejuvenating Thanksgiving full of the people and moments that matter.

The choices of women

There is something about our society that makes it acceptable - even admirable - for people (men and women) to voice disapproval about the choices women make. We make a sport of it even - especially when it comes to how women look or their professions or how they raise - or don't - their families.

We seem to do it to women in a way we just don't with men. And this really bothers me. Perhaps I have greater empathy because I chose to leave the workforce and am now wholly dependent on my husband's income, a choice many women in my cohort are often skeptical of (don't fear...I understand one can make millions as a small farmer).

So, I gotta tell you - I just don't dig it. I don't understand why it's acceptable to judge the personal choices of women on a personal level or on a national scale. There is much chatter on the interwebs about Anderson Cooper kicking a woman off his show because he didn't like her choices. He called Sarah Burge (The Human Barbie...I guess she's had a lot of plastic surgery) "dreadful" and then asked her to leave. It was in regard to vouchers she gave her pre-teen daughter for plastic surgery when she turned 18.

The internet believes Cooper is a hero for this action. Here are some reactions:

Despicable plastic surge-oholic Sarah Burge, who infamously presented her seven-year-old daughter with a boob job voucher for her birthday and a liposuction voucher for Christmas, was a guest on Anderson Cooper's daytime talk show — until the silver fox had just about enough, and told the "Human Barbie" to leave. (Gawker)

For some reason, Anderson invited this creature on his show and became so disgusted with her answers that he announced he had nothing more to discuss, called her "dreadful" and politely urged her to leave the stage. (OK Magazine)

You gotta love Anderson Cooper for cutting his interview with the self-dubbed “human Barbie” short upon suspecting she was on the show purely for publicity. (Socialite Life)

Anderson Cooper has covered genocide, war, politics, Wall Street shenanigans and oil spills...and the person he calls "dreadful" and asks to leave his show is a woman whose choices he doesn't agree with. And society is totally ok with it.

That seems really messed up to me.
   

My marriage is not threatened by equality

Bill and I have been married for over 11 years and I am not exaggerating when I say our marriage has been the most important factor in creating the person I am today. I treasure our relationship - the support, the sacrifices, the growth in self-awareness, patience and communication - everything.

Sometimes, when I think back to when we got married, I get a bit spooked that anyone let us do it. We were so young and stupid and had no idea about anything. We're still pretty clueless about most things, but we've learned so much about making our relationship work and in return we've grown so much as individuals.

Setting long term goals and creating a plan to get there? Never did that before my marriage.
Listening openly when someone says "hey, I didn't like that thing you did,"? Nope. Didn't do that very well either.
Doing someone else's horrible chores, or sharing a piece of something wonderful (like pie), or giving up my time willingly for the benefit of someone else? No. No. No. (ask my sister)

Feeling supported and trusting in unconditional love is what made these things possible for me. 

Now, some of this growth may be the natural part of aging, but I know a lot of people much older than me who suck - really really suck - at many of these things. And in many cases it seems to me they don't have the sort of supportive relationship Bill and I (and many other lovely, committed people) do. 

All of these things have not only made me a better partner in a relationship, but they made me a better employee and a better community member. Patience doesn't only benefit my marriage, it benefits the people in line in front of me at the grocery store. Being able to accept constructive suggestions benefited my employers. Better communication skills help me be a better friend.

This is what my marriage is about. Constructing mutual, unwavering support to help each other grow as people.

It has nothing to do with children. It has nothing to do with gender. Our relationship is not threatened by marriage equality.

We were very pleased to hear President Obama support gay marriage. And I am glad to see so many other people speaking out in support of it too. I hope this is a turning point which makes the minority of holdouts realize that supporting marriage equality can only mean good things for individuals and communities.  

Why?

Someday I'll write a series of posts about why I have quit my desk job to become a small farmer. In the meantime, Susan - the owner and shepherdess at Juniper Moon Farm - wrote a lovely Accidental Manifesto about why she left her life in a big city to be a small farmer.

She covers most of the big reasons why I'm doing this too. (Though, most of you will know, I've never spent a fortune on shoes, make-up or fancy sheets). The satisfaction she describes of decreasing dependence on a centralized, industrial food system, and the joy of making something useful - and honestly getting dirty - is something I really relate to.

Check it out.

A rant about Industrial Eggs

Via Casaubon's Book, an article in the NY Times about how gross industrial "farming" is. The subject of this groundbreaking report: eggs.

The Humane Society of the US (which I often find to be a bit too radical - and which is no relation to the local Humane Societies where you should get your next pet) is about to release a report about a gross egg farm.

I agree (as I so often do) with Casaubon's Book author Sharon Astyk when she says:

Anyone who doesn't know that factory egg and poultry production is a nightmare - a nightmare of cruelty to chickens, contamination of your food, a nightmare of manure and dead animal disposal issues that threaten human health is not paying attention. Eating commercial chicken or eggs is an act of willful blindness, and the investigation into Kreider farms is just par for the course.

This information has been available to everyone in the US for a decade and more, and promulgated in media, film, etc... Anyone who cares even a tiny bit about what they eat knows this. Most people who do not are actively choosing not to know.

I think I am nearly immune to the attempt at shock in these articles on factoring farming. If I can imagine something horrid happening, I assume that it does happen. In fact, the thing that I found most sickening about Times article was this one line - "Like many readers, I don’t particularly empathize with chickens."

I'm not sure why the author included it. Is it to make us feel better that we've allowed these places to exist? There are a lot of animals (and, to be honest, people) that I have a hard time liking. But that doesn't mean I can't empathize with their situation. It's not hard to see a bunch of stressed-out chickens missing feathers and crammed into a cage to think "I'll bet that sucks."

It's also not hard to find local eggs from small farmers in most places. We actually give our eggs away to coworkers as soon as the percentage of eggs to "other food" in our fridge goes above 50%. We accept donations to Heifer if people insist on paying for them.

Get a chicken. Or get to know someone who has a chicken. Or stop eating eggs.

Or, know that you are directly causing harm to animals and people as the result of your choices.